Family Secret Santa: How To Do It And How Much To Spend

This post may contain affiliate links. Read the full disclosure

Want to know how to do Secret Santa with family? This is our favourite way to save money at Christmas time, and below I’ve shared how we run it with both sides of the family, the rules we use and the budget we’ve settled on.

Secret Santa is not a new concept. It’s a popular option for workplace or friend gift-giving games, creating a fun way for everyone to receive something while only having to purchase a single gift.

With the rising cost of living and how easy it is to blow your Christmas budget, family Secret Santa is one of the biggest savings you can make in December. Here’s how we turned it into a family Christmas tradition.

Starting A New Tradition: Family Secret Santa

A few years back, we adapted Secret Santa for our family Christmas gifting, for one side of our extended family.

This meant we only needed to purchase two gifts for my husband’s family each year – one from each of us. 

This has become our tradition for several years now and it has certainly made Christmas gift shopping a whole lot easier and more affordable.

Meanwhile, I have a massive family. So a couple of years ago we gave Secret Santa a try for my family too and it was great!

Most of all, it was a huge stress relief knowing we did not need to stretch funds so far to get everyone a little something.

We’ve been doing it with both families for many years now and haven’t looked back.

How To Play Secret Santa As A Family

For my husband’s family, our Secret Santa group is relatively small, so we usually do our draw the old fashioned way.

We write everyone’s name on a piece of paper and place them all in a bowl, each drawing out a name. 

If you get yourself, you throw it back in and we do a redraw.

This worked well until half the family moved interstate, so if we don’t get together just before Christmas each year, we will switch to an online alternative.

We also set an annual budget.

This is usually between a $75 and $100 budget to spend on your person. 

This price range was chosen as it meant having a big enough budget to get something special the person would really love.

Only the adults are placed in the draw for Secret Santa each year and then everyone gets the kids a little something.

This means only needing one gift in the place of 6 or 10 for the adults though, and that is a massive saving since it can be hard to get that many good gifts with a $100 budget total! 

One bigger gift is usually far more special than lots of little ones too.

READ: GIFTS TO GIVE A WHOLE FAMILY

How Much Should You Spend On Family Secret Santa?

This is the question that comes up every year, and there’s no single right answer. But here’s how we landed on ours.

We set it between $50 and $75 per person. That’s enough to buy something the person will actually be pleased with, rather than a gift that exists to fill a space under the tree.

Why not lower? Below about $50, you start hitting the problem Secret Santa is meant to solve. If the budget is too tight, people buy something generic, and you end up back where you started with a pile of gifts nobody wanted.

Why not higher? Because someone in the group will find $100 a stretch and won’t say so. A budget that works for the person with the least to spend is the budget that works.

How To Set Your Gift Exchange Budget

Ask the group rather than deciding for them, ideally in a way that lets people answer privately

• Pick a number, not a range, because “$50 to $100” means someone spends $50 and someone spends $100 and both feel awkward
• Set it once and keep it the same each year unless circumstances change
• Agree whether it’s a firm limit or a rough guide, since some families care and some don’t

Secret Santa Name Draw Alternative

For my family last year, we trialled something a little different since it can be hard to get all of us in the one place at one time.

We used a Secret Santa generator for families, aimed at making Secret Santa draws easier. 

I added everyone’s emails to the list and ran the draw and each person got an email with their person. The website we used was free, called Draw Names.

The other cool feature of doing it this way is that the website allows you to create rules for each person too.

My sister wanted to get her adult kids each a gift still, so she did not want to draw any of them. I always get my husband a gift, so I didn’t want to draw him out.

We were able to set it up so we could exclude these people in the draw. No redraws needed!

The other cool thing about that website is that it lets you add wishlist items or anonymously request ideas from your gift recipient.

It also allows you to set the Secret Santa gift exchange date in case you aren’t getting together on Christmas day to do this.

Secret Santa Generators

If you are looking to use a free online Secret Santa generator, here are some great options:

• Draw Names – This is what we use
• Elfster
• Secret Santa Organizer

The Benefits of Family Secret Santa Gift Giving

There are so many reasons we love doing Secret Santa with our families each year now. This is the perfect thing if you are looking for gift exchange ideas for big families.

The savings are usually a couple of hundred dollars each Christmas which can make a mammoth difference to most households during the festive season.

Perhaps it means a bigger Christmas feast, or a chance to pay off existing expenses to reduce. 

Does Santa’s little helper visit your house every December? Check out these easy Elf on the Shelf ideas and in case you have a habit of forgetting, save these excuses for why the Elf didn’t move!

How to Have a Successful Secret Santa With Family

The key to successful Secret Santa family gift-giving is creating a plan from the start and making sure everyone understands the Secret Santa game instructions you have set. It can be a fun Christmas Day activity too.

The main things you will want to determine are the following:

• Gift budget
• Who is joining in
• Who is excluded i.e. children/anyone not yet working
• How you will draw
• When you will give gifts if not Christmas day
• If you will reveal who gave what or keep it a secret after

What Are The Secret Santa Rules?

There’s no official rulebook, so make up whatever works for your family. But these are the basics most groups follow.

The Standard Rules

1. Work out who’s joining in
2. Set a budget
3. Do the draw, either names in a bowl or an online generator
4. Make sure everyone knows who they’ve got
5. Leave your name off the gift, it’s a secret
6. Bring gifts to the agreed time and place
7. Open them together

Our Family Secret Santa Rules

• Only adults are in the draw: Everyone still buys for the kids under 18 or not yet earning an income.
• We guess before we reveal: Everyone opens their gift, has three guesses at who gave it, and then the giver owns up. It adds ten minutes of fun to something that would otherwise be over quickly.
• We exclude a few pairings: My sister wanted to keep buying for her adult kids, and I always buy for my husband, so those names get excluded from each other’s draws (using the Draw Names website.
• The budget is a guide, not a rule: Nobody’s checking receipts.

If Including Kids In Secret Santa

If you want to include kids in your Secret Santa draw, you can do this in a few different ways. You could give your child a set amount of cash to spend and take them shopping. This works if they don’t have you as their person so it can get a little trickier!

Or they can make handmade gifts instead, such as these adorable gifts that kids can make, by helping to set them up with handmade gift supplies.

Alternatively, you can have a separate Secret Santa draw just for the kids to exchange gifts together. This way they don’t miss out on the fun of having a mystery gift from another child.